who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If that was your dad, he is hot
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
