I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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