btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
