The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
