My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
