so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
