Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
