i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
