I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
