Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
