Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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