I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
