look no pants
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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