wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
