well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
