$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
