I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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