bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i think my mom watched the whole time
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm too high and old for this...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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