So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
