Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
