Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
