i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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