....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
