Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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