I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
