i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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