I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
