wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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