I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
