Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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