Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
