Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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