he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
