the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
