I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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