i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
