Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
