overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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