I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
