i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
