My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
