Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
