I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize