if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize