nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
