She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
