His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
