We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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