Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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