And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
