I cut my penus on the lid.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
