you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
