I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
