I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize