Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize