tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need a burrito and a hug.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
