I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
