So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
