Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
