I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
