Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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