3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
