you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize