..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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