i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
