dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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