So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize