guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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