Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
