just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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