I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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