cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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