he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
